Today is a big milestone for us. One year of life on the road. It’s overwhelming and incredible and still hard for me to grasp that I’ve actually been out here this long.
At the same time though, life before Forrest feels like such a tremendously long time ago.
One year ago, I was dragging my terrified dog into my nearly finished van. I was jobless, scared, and unsure of how I’d pull this all off on my own.
But I was also filled with courage. I had never been so excited or so sure of anything in my life. I knew deep down that I would figure out whatever came my way.
And what a year it has been. It has hands-down been the hardest 365 days of my life. We have spent nights at the emergency vet, at the Mercedes dealership, and in Walmart parking lots. I have had my heart broken more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve gone too many days without a shower, and I’ve become far too comfortable with using the bathroom in my kitchen. I’ve slept on dirty sheets, froze on cold nights, and suffered through hot days. And I’ve cried, a lot.
But at the same time, it has also been the best 365 days of my life. I’ve driven through 25 states, visited 20 National Parks, and climbed 3 tallest peaks (Texas, New Mexico, and Colorado). I’ve spent every minute with my dog by my side. I’ve hiked among wildflowers, along rivers, through the snow and rain, and between towering Saguaros. I’ve loved with all my might, faced fears, and become resilient down to my core. I’ve visited old friends and made new ones. And I’ve learned how to truly, deeply be happy on my own.
I’ve really enjoyed looking back at this past year. Before I get to your questions though, I want to take a minute to thank all of you.
Thank you.
Thank you for following along on this crazy journey. Thank you for the messages, calls, emails, and texts telling me that you’re reading my blog and that you’re inspired by my adventures. Thank you for cheering me on through the low and high points.
I love what this journey has brought me in terms of the things I’ve seen and done, but I’m also so thankful for the people it has connected me to. Whether you are family or a close friend, or whether we went to elementary school together but haven’t spoken in a decade, or whether we met sitting at a bar somewhere across the country, I’m thankful to share these stories with you.
Thank you to my Patrons, who help make it possible to run this blog. I’m overwhelmed by your generosity.
And finally, thank you to everyone who submitted a question to make this blog post possible. It would be a lot less fun to come up with things I think you might want to know!
So, without further ado, here’s your special one-year Q&A edition of the blog!
What was your biggest fear before hitting the road? Has it come true?
Fear is fascinating to me. I get asked about fear almost daily. One thing I find interesting about fear is that we can be afraid of such a wide range of things. Sometimes I wonder what people think I’m afraid of… bears? murderers? breaking down? And sure, those things are scary, but I more often find myself fearing things like getting my heart broken, my journey ending before I’m ready, or not being able to physically do the things I love anymore.
My biggest fear though is what life looks like without Dakota. I can’t imagine being on this journey without her. And although it’s not directly a van-fear, it’s a huge fear on the road. We spend so much time on trails, up long dirt roads, and in remote areas that one of my biggest fears is that something will happen and I won’t be able to get her to the vet fast enough. I also fear the day that Dakota won’t be able to jump up and down from the bed or in/out of the van. I fear the day that Dakota can no longer hike 10+ miles with me.
Obviously, she’s still alive and well, but we’ve come far too close to this fear while on the road. We’ve gotten extremely lucky though, being in the right place at the right time.
On the flip side of this fear though is gratitude. I live a life where I never have to leave my dog at home all day while I go to work. I get to experience some of the most amazing sights with her right by my side. I get to show her the world and watch her learn about each new environment. I get to squeeze every precious moment out of the time we have together. No amount of time will ever be enough with Dakota, but I’ll know we lived the hell out of our time together.
Favorite road trip snack?
My whole life is a road trip! But if I’m going to snack on something while driving it’s usually an apple, granola bar, or sliced veggies (zucchini or green peppers are my favorite). And if I’m stressed then it’s probably a box of Cheez-Its or bag of tortilla chips, and I might eat the entire thing.
Do you prefer hot or cold weather?
That’s a hard question to answer. My life is greatly impacted by the weather, and especially the temperature, living in my van. There is no escaping the heat or cold by staying inside. I do my best to keep the van as comfortable as possible but when we hit the extremes there isn’t too much I can do. Cold is better because I don’t have to worry about Dakota like I do when it’s too hot, but I really struggle in the cold while I’m working since I can’t stay too bundled or even wear gloves or a hat. So far on the road, warmer weather has been my preference, but this winter we’ll be chasing snow and I’m excited for the change!
What “house” luxuries do you miss most? Do you miss baking?
I miss showers and heat/air conditioning. You get used to not showering every day and getting creative with ways to get clean, but there are some stretches where I really miss taking a shower in a private bathroom with a door and hot water. I sometimes find myself skipping out on adventures because I won’t have a way to clean off afterward, and I hate that.
Heat and air conditioning would be a fantastic luxury as far as comfort goes, and actually, I’m heading back to Utah next week and I’ll be installing a diesel heater when I get there!
I definitely miss more than that, but those are the big ones. On the flipside, I was most surprised to find that I don’t miss having a microwave.
As far as baking goes, I was never really into it before the van. I cook to survive, not because I find it fun, haha.
Do you make different foods if you’re somewhere for a long time?
This answer goes along with the question above… I eat to live, not live to eat. I enjoy good food but if it’s not simple and easy to reheat, I won’t be making it. I try to cook a big meal once or twice a week and then eat leftovers the rest of the time. Cooking a meal is time-consuming and I don’t particularly enjoy it, so I only cook because I need to eat. I do sometimes time my cooking around being in a place though. If I’m moving to a new spot, I try to do it on a day when I have leftovers ready to go.
Top 3 songs on your road trip playlist
I’m going to answer this question slightly differently because I don’t have a specific road trip playlist… here are my 3 favorite songs that feel symbolic of my time on the road
1. Alive- Ira Wolf
2. Freebird- Lynyrd Skynyrd
3. Happiness Is Not A Place- The Wind and The Wave
Where do you go to the bathroom?
I actually have a toilet in the van! I have a small, 2-gallon cassette toilet right between my driver and passenger seat. It has an awesome cover over it (thanks Cathy), so most people don’t even know it’s there. So if I’m not somewhere I can “go” outside, I use my own toilet. I also don’t love going outside if it’s too cold or dark, so my toilet actually gets quite a bit of use. It’s pretty rare that I’m parked somewhere with a bathroom, so having my own toilet is really nice.
** Warning- TMI **
Ok… you’ve been warned. My toilet is actually a #1 only toilet. I quickly learned that it has a poor design for #2, and it’s also a lot harder to dump with solid waste. To work around this problem, I line the toilet with a bag for #2 and then dispose of the bag in a trash can.
Using the bathroom in the small space of your home/kitchen is my least favorite thing, but I don’t always have a lot of better options! And I guess not having to share this bathroom experience with another human is a great perk of being single.
How do you get things delivered to you like mail?
I have a really amazing friend (hey, Trisha) back in Salt Lake City who has graciously offered to let me use her address as my mailing address. I don’t get much mail but if I get something that seems important, she’ll either hold onto it for me, forward it to me somewhere, or open it and text me pictures of it. She’s a lifesaver!
For packages, if I can order it off Amazon I can pick it up from an Amazon dropbox location if I’m near a city with one. Or I can send something via General Delivery to a post office, but I haven’t had to use that option yet.
Do you ever feel lonely? How do you cope with it?
I do get lonely sometimes. It tends to come in waves. I go through stretches where I just want to be alone, and then I hit a point where I really need some human interaction.
I’ve become really good at striking up conversations with people at campsites or on trails. Even just chatting with strangers is sometimes enough for me to feel less lonely. I also talk to my family and best friend on the phone a lot, which helps too.
When I haven’t been dating someone, I’ll sometimes stay around a spot a bit longer and go on a few dates and meet people that way. A nice dinner or hike with someone is a good change of pace from long stretches of time alone. Sometimes this backfires though, and I end up feeling even lonelier when I leave.
Dakota is the key to avoiding loneliness though. When I start to get into too much of a funk, I take her on the trail and that is an instant cure for whatever has me feeling lonely.
What’s your average cost of living?
My average monthly expenses are about $1,800/month. My monthly costs fluctuate a lot depending on how much driving I do since gas is one of my biggest expenses each month. If you’re a numbers person, here’s an average breakdown for you…
| Category | Cost |
| Van Insurance | $65 |
| Gas | $270 average |
| Groceries | $330 average |
| Laundry | $15 |
| Gym | $24 |
| Health Insurance (I’m not insured through my employer) | $207 |
| Phone | $127 |
| Storage Unit | $55 |
| Van Payment | $417 |
| Dakota | $55 |
| Misc. | $250 |
Now I know this doesn’t add up to $1,800, but it’s close. I also wrote this up in my 6-month Q&A post and it has changed a bit since then. I had to change some finances around when I replaced my engine, so the “van payment” now includes an “engine payment.” This cost of living is still significantly smaller than it was when I was paying $1,000/month for a crappy apartment and a car payment. Now those two costs are rolled into one, and it’s just slightly bigger than my old Subaru payment used to be.
Biggest challenges and advantages of living in a van? What challenge has been your biggest surprise and what one thing did you think would be a challenge and you found it to be very easy?
I think the most challenging part of vanlife for me is finding a place to park that has a strong cell signal. This tends to be a pretty stressful part of moving to a new place, and I’ve wasted many, many hours driving around testing cell signals only to find that I need to keep moving to the next place.
The biggest surprise as far as challenges go has been just how much time the everyday logistics take out of my day. Figuring out where to go next, where the nearest grocery store is, where my “plan B” campsite will be, what hiking/biking trails are nearby, etc. I can lose a lot of hours trying to figure it all out.
I guess the other side to that though- a challenge I found to be easy- is that there are actually tons of incredible places to camp where I can get a strong enough signal to work from. It sometimes takes the effort of spending a lot of time searching, but more often than not I’m parked somewhere beautiful (and free) and I’m able to work.
The biggest advantage of living in a van is definitely being able to change my location and live anywhere. Sick of being cold? Move! Tired of pine trees? Move! Miss your friends? Move! Want to lay on the beach? You get the point.
Did you ever have a point where you wanted to give up? What made you stay on the road?
Honestly, no. I’ve never wanted to give up. I often tell people, if I needed an “out,” it was already handed to me on a silver platter. Not only was I faced with a journey-ending expense of an entire engine, but it conveniently happened when I was “home” in Salt Lake City. If I was even the slightest bit unsure about whether I really wanted this, it would have been the perfect ending to my journey. But instead, I figured out the finances, lived in a Mercedes parking lot for a while, and then got back on the road.
The thought of ending my journey there never even crossed my mind. I knew it wasn’t meant to be over and that I was going to do whatever it took to get back on the road. There isn’t really anything that made me stay on the road besides that I know that’s where I’m supposed to be right now. I can feel it down to my soul that this is where I’m meant to be living my life right now. And to believe in something, or yourself, that strongly makes it really easy to keep going.
What was your favorite moment or place? What was your worst moment?
I get asked about my favorite place all the time and I’ve come up with a “fine” answer, but I honestly think it would be too hard to really pinpoint my favorite. I recently met someone who refuses to answer questions about “favorites,” and this is one time I can agree with him on that. But for the sake of having an answer, I usually say Glacier National Park was my favorite. What makes a place special to me is often so much more than just the landscape. It’s a combination of where I’m at physically and emotionally, who I meet, the weather, etc., etc., etc. Glacier will always evoke really wonderful memories for me because I was just a few days into life on the road. I was wild and free, naïve, and full of hope, fear, and excitement. I was learning as I went and had no idea of what would be down the road. I got to Glacier at the most perfect time: the colors were changing, there was snow at high elevations, the park shuttle/restaurants had shut down (fewer people in the park) and Going-to-the-Sun Road was still open. I wasn’t working yet so I had nothing to do but adventure. During my time in the park, I met Quinn, a guy traveling solo on his way back from a bachelor party. We ended up hanging out and hiking together, which cured the fierce feeling of loneliness I was experiencing.
I’ll always smile while looking back at my time in Glacier. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that moment. [I just typed out, “before things got hard,” then erased it, knowing that it was hard long before I hit the road.] But Glacier will always be one of the most special places on Earth to me because that’s where this journey really started.
My worst moment? That’s almost equally as hard as my best. I’ve had a lot of low points on this journey. My mom actually just told me today, “This last blog post was hard to read, it seemed like there were a lot of tears.” To which, I replied, “Mom, there are always a lot of tears.”
But really, a lot of the time it’s the hardest stuff that sticks out in my mind. Those are the things that have shaped me along the way.
As much as I’m tempted to say that my worst moment was the ultimate combination of a breakup, a breakdown, and a sick dog that I experienced back in Salt Lake in May, I think my worst moment was actually when Dakota got sick in Arkansas. If you don’t know the story, you can read it here. Seeing that this is already a long post, and that is not a night I emotionally want to revisit, I’ll let you read about it on your own!
What was your scariest moment?
Honestly, probably that same night in Arkansas. But I know you’re all looking for another story, so here ya go… (this is taken from a previous post back from my time in Florida)
I took a chance on a spot in an open field, tagged as an approved spot to stay overnight, instead of our typical Cracker Barrel. I figured it would be a refreshing alternative and make our transition back on the road a little nicer. I watched the sunset and then got cozied up in bed with Dakota. Not long after this, I heard a voice outside the van. The man’s voice started reading off my license plate number, so I figured it was the cops and they’d be telling me to move. No problem, I already knew where I’d go if this spot didn’t work out. I didn’t want to startle a cop by opening the door, so I got out of bed and waited for the “cop knock”, but instead of a knock, they pulled on the handles of the back doors. I’m diligent about locking the doors, so they didn’t open. I’m not sure my adrenaline had ever rushed through my body so hard. I quickly prepared to react, and then I heard the engine of their truck start, and I watched them drive off.
(you can read the entire post here)
Nothing else happened after that incident. I moved to a new spot and the rest of the night was fine. I also don’t think this person had bad intentions, I think they were just dumb. So please don’t let this story scare you from traveling alone! Everything turned out fine and I haven’t had anything else even remotely close to this scary happen in my year on the road.
Do you wish you had done anything differently with your build?
I love my build. I’ve been in many other vans and I still prefer my own setup. It’s perfect for the way I live on the road and I’m just a little bit proud of my hard work. After being in a wide range of climates though, I wish I would have put in a second fan. With the bed lofted so high and no ventilation, it gets really hot back there. Sleeping can be pretty miserable if I don’t get the van cooled down after a hot day. I think someday I might try and install a tiny window in the back by the bed to help me get more of a cross breeze, but putting another hole in the van is not a project I’m ready to tackle anytime soon.
How do you decide where to go next?
It really depends. Sometimes I have plans, and that keeps me moving in a general direction. Then I just pick interesting spots to camp along the way, trying not to drive more than 2 hours at a time. Otherwise, it’s a lot of listening to my gut.
This has changed a lot since first hitting the road too. When I first left, I was on a mission to see all 50 states and that has evolved to me just enjoying my journey, wherever it takes me. My pace has slowed way down, so now when I find a spot I love, I just stay for a while.
While I’ve loved slowing down and revisiting some of the places I rushed past or skipped over before, it is hard to feel so directionless sometimes. But I’m embracing each place I get to see and trying to just go wherever my heart tells me to!
Any run-ins with authorities?
Yep. I’m pretty sure it’s a vanlife right-of-passage. I’ve been told to move 3 times now.
The first was in Maumee, Ohio. I was camped outside of a closed campground, down a long dirt road that led to a river. It was December, so I figured nobody would even notice me there. Luckily the cops didn’t knock until about 10 am the next day, while I was napping after work. They were nice and probably surprised to see that the person inside the van was me. They told me I couldn’t be there, so I packed up and hit the road. It was a good intro to being told to move.
Next was in Florida. One of the apps I use to find parking had a spot posted just a few weeks earlier. It was right on the beach and I had parked there all day. Once the sun had set, there were 2 other vans still parked there, so I figured this spot must be fine. Right after crawling into bed and closing my eyes… *knock, knock, knock.* Apparently, overnight parking was allowed, but camping was not. And this counted as camping, not parking.
The third time was in Utah while staying in the bus with my ex-boyfriend. We had been parked at a trailhead for 2 days and had just been doorbell ditched by a bunch of teens. The next knock wasn’t teens, it was the cops, telling us we couldn’t camp there.
I do my best to follow the rules and only camp where I’m allowed. I’ve also gotten better at being stealthy if I’m camping on just a normal road. But I’ve been fortunate that all my run-ins with cops have been fairly pleasant.
How has it been for Dakota mentally? Has she gotten super attached to you and protective?
If you haven’t followed our journey since the beginning, you may have missed that Dakota was actually terribly afraid of the van. You can read about it here. It took until our first week on the road for her to get over her fear. That doesn’t seem very long, but we actually lived/moved/worked in the van for a couple of months before finally hitting the road. Her fear of the van was really hard on both of us.
Since then, it has become her home. It’s her safe place. When we were back in Michigan around Thanksgiving and spending a lot of time in the house, she had a really hard time and would go and hide in the bathroom, trembling. I’d take her out and put her in the van and she’d calm right down. She’s adjusted remarkably.
I have to think Dakota is living her best life on the road. She gets way more exercise than she’s ever had before, and most of it is off-leash. She gets to sleep in the sunshine and doesn’t have to stay home alone for long days anymore. She has climbed a 14er, been rafting, stood on more cliff edges than I can count, and has learned to chase critters in the woods. The constant moving doesn’t seem to affect her one bit.
As far as being attached or protective, it’s hard to say. She’s not a very affectionate dog and she never has been. We definitely have an amazing bond but she’s incredibly independent. If we are hanging around camp, we aren’t always hanging out together. Sometimes one of us is in the van while the other is outside. I’m sure that if I was in a situation where I needed to be protected, she would jump into action, but luckily we haven’t put that to the test.
Do you ever get afraid out there on your own? You go so many places and see so many wonderful things, I have just wondered how you feel when the sun goes down?
I don’t get afraid on the road. Being alone out here doesn’t scare me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve felt even slightly worried about being out here on my own.
So much of the fear around “you’re a woman, doing this alone,” comes from not experiencing it yourself. The narrative is played out so often. The one that tells us we should be scared. We see the stories on the news all the time. I’m not saying bad things don’t happen, but we just think they happen more often than they really do because we don’t hear about the millions of times that something didn’t happen. Can you imagine if every fatal car crash across the country made headlines? Would you still drive a car, or would it be too dangerous?
I’ve learned a few things about managing my fears on the road, particularly in regards to finding a place to stay overnight. First, and most importantly, I trust my gut. If something feels wrong, I leave. I don’t justify it or try and rationalize, I just leave. Next, I don’t watch the news. I don’t surround myself with the negative stories. I don’t fill my head with all the things that could happen. I do my best to not put myself into risky situations and I live my life to the fullest, without letting fear kill my dreams of doing things alone. If I had to wait for someone to come with me, I’d never do anything.
How long do you plan on doing this?
So, I’ve got a story to go with this one.
As you know, my van’s name is Forrest. I came up with this name as soon as I brought him home. He’s named after Forrest Gump. My reasons for choosing this, besides it being one of my favorite movies, are that Forrest tries his best but often needs a little help. My van has lived up to this more than I wish he would. But I also love how deeply Forrest loves Jenny, despite how hard she is to love. And that was just what I needed after the breakup that so drastically changed my life.
It was many months later that my favorite connection was made. Someone had asked me this same question and I answered it with, “I think I’ll just know when I’m ready to be done.”
“Oh, I get it,” they said, “like Forrest Gump, when he’s running across the country and eventually just slows down and says, ‘I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.’”
And it was perfect.
Are you coming back to Monte Vista to teach?
One of my old students asked me this question. And honestly, I have no idea what’s down the road for me.
I have a storage unit I pay way too much money for in Salt Lake City that is filled with all my teaching things. I could probably get rid of the storage unit if I didn’t keep that stuff. But I can’t get myself to part with it.
I miss teaching a lot. I was offered a teaching position right before school started and it hurt me to turn it down, which really surprised me.
I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to teaching, but there’s a part of me that can’t commit to never going back. So in the meantime, I pay to keep all of my teaching supplies, just in case someday I want to get back in the classroom.
And while I’m not in the classroom, keeping in touch with past students and their families has been really nice. I even have a student that became a Patron so I get to send her a postcard each month!
Doing this for a year now, is there anything you would do differently?
This question is interesting to me. I’ve been asked a lot of these questions before, but never this one. There are certainly some things I wish I could have done differently to save myself some heartbreak, money, struggle, etc. But that’s not how life works.
My journey has evolved a lot since my first few months on the road. My pace has slowed down. It has become less about getting to the next place and more about getting comfortable in places I love.
Back when this was supposed to be a venture with my partner, we originally wanted to build the van to chase storms in the winter and snowboard our hearts out. Last winter I stayed along the east coast and spent a lot of time in Florida, avoiding snow the best I could. But that dream of chasing powder was still deep in my heart, so this winter I’m making it happen.
I wouldn’t change how I’ve spent a minute of my time on the road though. Each place, each person I’ve met, each hardship, has gotten me to where I am right this minute. It’s all part of my journey. I’m bound to make more mistakes along the way, wishing maybe I had done something to avoid them, but hopefully I’m learning from each one.
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to send me a question and to all of you who took the time to read my answers!
And now let’s begin Year Two…
Obstacles are detours in the right direction
Gabby Bernstein
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