What Doesn’t Kill You…

While I know I have a lot of adventures to catch up on writing about, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on 2018.

One year ago, I was down in Escalante, Utah, enduring my coldest night of camping to date.  It was my boyfriend, Dakota, and I and it would be my first New Year’s Eve without a party.  And I couldn’t have been happier.  That night was so incredibly cold that we woke up to a layer of ice on the tent and our water jug had frozen overnight.  Dakota spent most of her time snuggled under blankets in the tent while we tried to stay up as late as possible playing cards and trying to stay warm.  I went to sleep before midnight that night, feeling so optimistic about the year ahead.

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2017 had been a rough year for me.  I was extremely unhappy, I got divorced, and I started over.  I was discovering myself all over again and ended the year on such a high note.  This is what I wrote on the eve of 2018: “I was asked the other day if I was ready to be done with 2017.  As I look back on what was definitely my hardest year ever, it’s not with a feeling of relief that it’s all behind me.  Instead, 2017 was probably my most important year.  I hit some hard lows, I struggled, and I cried (a lot).  I also learned a tremendous amount about myself, my strength, and my happiness.  I did a lot of things that scared me- I got my own apartment, I traveled to the UK, I jumped off a cliff, and I learned to dig a cat hole.  Through it all I discovered the best version of myself.  So while I’m looking forward to a new year to fill with amazing adventure, I’m thankful for 2017”.  2018 was destined to be a year full of adventure, and little did I know how literally that would play out.

If 2017 was hard, 2018 was even harder.  I got my heart broken and I broke hearts.  I spent 4 months without a place to call “home”.  I quit a job that I loved.  I sold most of my belongings.  And I left a life that I knew to create a new one on the road.

2018 wasn’t all bad though.  It was a year of learning, of becoming stronger, and of taking chances.  The biggest chance I took was on myself.  I gave up everything I knew for a dream and jumped in head first, knowing I’d figure it out along the way.  And that’s exactly what I’ve done. 

Sometimes I wish that the Jenny that was sipping wine on the red rocks of Escalante a year ago would have known what was coming.  That I could have spared her from some of the pain that was just around the corner.  But if I had, she might not be sitting in the woods right now, listening to the rain on the roof of her home-on-wheels somewhere in North Carolina.  I’ve learned some tough lessons this year.  I’d like to think I’m wiser now, but I also know I’ve still got a lot to learn. 

I’ve experienced so much in this past year.  I learned the basics of carpentry, electrical, plumbing, and interior design.  I completed my 3^rd Half Ironman and got my first DNF (did not finish) during a 100-mile bike ride.  I camped alone for the first time.  I started mountain biking.  I saw more sunrises and sunsets than I ever have before.  I turned in the keys to my classroom and now I teach children on the opposite side of the world each morning.  My dog and I have set foot/paw in 16 different states and 12 national parks.  I’ve driven through country sides, ghost towns, reservations, deserts, parks, forests, campgrounds, and beach towns.  I’ve made friends across the country.  I’ve learned bravery, courage, and grit like I’ve never known them before.  I learned to be happier with less.  I’ve hiked more miles than I’ve run this year. And I’ve learned to enjoy my time alone.

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So as I look towards this next year of my life, I quite honestly have no idea what to expect.  And I’m learning to be ok with that.  I don’t do new year’s resolutions but for the past several years I’ve chosen a word or phrase that I try to live my year by.  Some of my past words have been “go”, “live”, “happiness”, and “be present”.  This year, I’ve chosen “embrace”.  I want to be better at embracing this trip for what it is.  When things don’t go as planned, instead of getting hung up on what went wrong, I’m going to embrace each experience as it comes.  I want to embrace the love and friendships that come my way instead of carrying around the hurt and anger from my past.  I want to embrace every hard night, every leaking ceiling, every car problem, every lonely day, every mile under my feet or under my wheels.  This year, I will embrace it all: the good, the bad, and the perfectly normal.

One year later, I’m spending New Year’s Eve camping again. My hammock is up, my sleeping bag spread inside, and I’ll be spending the night under the stars instead of in the van. This year, it’s just me and Dakota, but we’re realizing that’s how this was supposed to play out all along.

I want to wish each and every one of you a happy and healthy new year.  May this year bring you happiness, adventure, and growth.  Thank you for following along with our adventures and here’s to hoping we cross paths on the road!

“Some days are good, some years are not.” -Ira Wolf, Some Days